Thursday, August 7, 2008

Stoop on Boundaries

Christians weighing in on Botkin Syndrome:
Excerpts from "Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves" by Drs. Stoop and Masteller.
From page 86:

An example of a boundary is our skin. It holds what is inside of us inside, and it keeps what is outside of us outside. Without the boundary of our skin, our organs would simply fall out. Germs and other undesirable things would enter us at will. We would have no protection and no real definition of who we are. A boundary is like a fence around our property – it lets us know where our property ends and someone else’s begins.
Where Are My Boundaries?

Do I regularly find myself saying “yes” to others – especially to other family members – when I really want to say “no”?

Do I frequently become burdened with other people’s problems because they see me as the kind of person they can come to with their troubles? Do I frequently feel resentful about this later?

In establishing preferences and desires, do I find myself wanting what I want or what “we” want? In formulating opinions, do I ask, “What do we think?” or “What do I think?”
Do I sometimes find myself feeling what other people feel? Their feelings seem to be mine as well. I am unable to stay objective.

Answering “yes” to these questions may indicate a need to clarify blurred personal boundaries within the family.

Excerpt from
Dr. David Stoop & Dr. James Masteller's
"Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves:
Healing Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families"
Regal/Gospel Light, 1996 (Servant, 1991)
. .